I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
