i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She bit a glass in half.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
