he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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