A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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