So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
