Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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