Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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