Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize