marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
