and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
