oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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