You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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