When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well you can't waste a boner
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
