so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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