Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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