Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
