Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
