Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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