He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
