I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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