Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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