Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
