Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I will be naked everywhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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