dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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