apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
