So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
