did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
