some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Help. Why am I so naked?
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