Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
