We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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