So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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