The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
