4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
