And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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