you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
