he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
