Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
