he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
