the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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