I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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