I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
