Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
