They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
