i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
