The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
