I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
