Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think my moral compass just broke
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
