the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
