eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
