The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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