I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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