Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
