Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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