Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
